Seeking a Good Death

What is a good death?

That’s a deep and very personal question—and it’s a powerful one too.

When people talk about a “good death,” they usually mean a death that reflects a person’s values, is as peaceful and pain-free as possible, and happens in a way that respects their dignity and wishes. Of course, what that looks like can vary for everyone.

Here are some things many people associate with a good death:

Personal Definition of a Good Death

Being free from pain or distress
Feeling at peace emotionally and spiritually
Being with loved ones or in a familiar place (often at home)
Having had a chance to say goodbye, make amends, or share memories
Feeling that life had meaning, and that the end was not prolonged unnecessarily
Being in control of decisions, or having wishes known and respected
Not being a “burden” to others (something many worry about, even if not true)

It Might Involve:

Palliative care to ease symptoms and improve comfort
A clear advance care plan or DNACPR order
Choosing the setting: home, hospice, hospital, or care home
Conversations with family about wishes—sometimes hard, but often healing

What Some Say:

“A good death is dying how you lived—on your own terms.”
“It’s being at peace, and not being afraid.”
“It’s knowing you’re not alone.”

If this is something you’re thinking about for yourself or someone you love, it might help to talk with a GP, palliative care team, or hospice professional.

Preparing for a good death is really about living intentionally—and taking some steps now that can bring peace, comfort, and clarity later. It’s not morbid; it’s deeply human.

Here are some of the most meaningful things someone can do:

What Someone Can Do to Have a Good Death

1. Reflect on What Matters Most

What does quality of life mean to you?
Are there things you fear about death—or things you hope for?
Who do you want near you? Where would you want to be?
What gives you comfort—music, prayer, touch, quiet?

Writing these things down can be incredibly helpful.

2. Plan Ahead (Advance Care Planning)

Advance Directive / Statement: Write down your wishes for care if you’re unable to speak for yourself.
Lasting Power of Attorney (Health and Welfare): Appoint someone you trust to make decisions if needed.
DNACPR (Do Not Attempt CPR): If appropriate, discuss this with your doctor.
Preferred place of death: Home, hospice, hospital?

Ask your GP or palliative care team to help put this in place. They’ll understand.

3. Talk With Loved Ones

It’s not always easy, but talking now can spare confusion and stress later.

Let them know your wishes.
Share your values, even your fears.
Give permission for them to let go when the time comes.

Sometimes just hearing “I love you” or “I’m okay with what happens next” can be the greatest gift.

4. Sort Practical Things

Make or review your will
Record any funeral preferences (music, readings, burial/cremation)
List important information (bank, bills, passwords, who to contact)

This gives loved ones peace of mind.

5. Stay Comfortable and Supported

Ask for palliative care early—it’s about living well, not just dying. People can remain in palliative care for years!
Control symptoms like breathlessness, anxiety, and pain.
Consider hospice care: it’s about comfort, dignity, and support.
Don’t hesitate to ask for emotional, psychological, or spiritual help—many hospices offer counselling, chaplains, or just someone to talk to.

6. Live Fully Until Then

Tie up loose ends—say what needs saying.
Spend time with people who matter.
Do small things that bring you joy—a walk, a cup of tea in the sun, a memory box, music.

A Good Death Is Often…

Known: You’re seen, valued, and remembered.
Loved: You’re not alone.
Respected: Your choices are honoured.
Peaceful: There is comfort and calm.

Useful resources: Compassion in dying

Carers

Carers play a crucial role in helping patients with a chronic disease prepare for a good death. Their role extends across practical, emotional, and advocacy support, ensuring the patient’s wishes are respected.

1. Emotional & Psychological Support

Listening & Reassurance → Carers provide a safe space for patients to express fears, grief, and hopes.
Encouraging Conversations → Helping patients discuss their wishes with family, friends, and healthcare teams.
Providing Companionship → Reducing isolation, which is common in end-of-life care.

2. Practical & Daily Care

Helping with Advance Care Planning (ACP)
- Ensuring documents (wills, DNR, power of attorney) are completed and understood.
Managing Symptoms & Comfort
- Assisting with pain relief, mobility, and personal care.
- Helping with medications, oxygen therapy, or physiotherapy if needed.
Creating a Peaceful Environment
- Supporting the patient’s wishes about where they want to be cared for (home, hospice, hospital).

3. Advocacy & Communication

Ensuring Medical Wishes Are Respected
- Acting as a bridge between the patient and healthcare providers.
- Reminding doctors of palliative preferences or treatment refusals.
Coordinating Care Services
- Liaising with palliative care teams, social workers, and hospices.
Supporting Family Members
- Helping them navigate difficult conversations and grief.

4. Carer Well-Being Matters Too

Providing care can be emotionally exhausting—carers need respite, support groups, and counselling.
Encouraging self-care so they can continue to provide compassionate support.

Resources

There are several UK-based video resources available to support carers assisting patients with chronic diseases in preparing for end-of-life care:

1. NHS: End of Life Care

This video features an expert explaining what end-of-life care provides, alongside a family sharing their personal experience of end-of-life care for their wife and mother. It offers valuable insights into the support available and the importance of compassionate care.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuF5qxIDa3c

2. How to Live and Die Well: A Video for the Public, Patients, and Family Carers

Produced by the University of Edinburgh’s Primary Palliative Care team, this video explains the reasons for early palliative care. It addresses common misconceptions, emphasizing that palliative care may begin at diagnosis and take place alongside treatment. The video is designed for everyone, including those currently living with progressive illness and their carers, to help plan and integrate early palliative care with ongoing treatment.

https://usher.ed.ac.uk/primary-palliative-care/videos/patients-and-family-carers-individual

3. Hospiscare Video Library

Hospiscare has collated a library of videos relating to end-of-life care as a free resource for healthcare professionals and carers. These videos cover a wide range of subjects related to palliative medicine and end-of-life care, providing valuable insights and guidance.

https://hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/video-library/

4. Marie Curie: End of Life Care Resources

Marie Curie is a UK charitable organization providing hospice care and support for individuals with terminal illnesses and their carers. They offer various resources, including information on palliative care, support services, and guidance for carers to navigate end-of-life care.

https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/