NADANIELLE ORI
Toxic sock syndrome. Ndicho chinhu chatakatanga kuona patakapinda muimba yechipatara. Kune avo vaverengi vakapfava vasina kujairana nekurwiswa kwakadaro, toxic sock syndrome ndiyo izwi rekiriniki rekunhuhwirira kwenzvimbo inoperekedza tsoka dzakanyorova, dzakanyorova dzakaona nguva yakawanda yemumugwagwa kupfuura nguva yekugeza. Murwere ari pamberi pedu airatidza zviratidzo zvekadhiini zvechirwere chisingaperi cheBellevue Hospital: cantankerous mood, matted, stringy hair, inobvongodza halitosis, WC Fields mhino, uye pfupa-kutinhira kudengenyeka kweminwe nerurimi. Haana kunyanya kufara kuona boka redu—mumwe chiremba, vagari vaviri, vadzidzi vebasa vana, uye vadzidzi vatanhatu vezvokurapa—vakaungana pamubhedha wake, vose vakapfeka mabhachi machena akapfava uye vane unhu hwakada kufanana.
Pashure pemutsetse wenguva dzose wokubvunza pamusoro pokudzima kwerima, pfari, chiropa, maronda, uye dzimwe hosha dzebhodhoro, ndakabudisa fotokopi yakanga yasakara muhomwe yangu. “Changamire,” ndakadaro, “mungada here kana ndikakugoverai nhetembo?”
"Nhetembo?"
“Chokwadi,” ndakadaro, ndichiedza kuita sezvisina basa. Kunyange zvazvo ndaidzidzisa vadzidzi nevadzidzi kudetemba, ndakanga ndisati ndaedza kuverenga nhetembo nevarwere, kunyanya nokuti vazhinji vevarwere vedu havatauri Chirungu. Asi ndanga ndakatakura kopi yenhetembo yaJack Coulehan inoti “Ndicharova Vanachiremba Vaya” muhomwe yangu kwemavhiki akati wandei zvino, ndichimirira chidhakwa chakakodzera chinotaura Chirungu chinogona kutendeseka.
Nokuti rosy mamiriro
inoita kuti mhino dzangu dzive nebundu uye kukura
uye ndinovapa zvisina maturo zvakafanira
vanondinyora sedoro
uye chando neni nezvinodhaka. Kuda ndichaenda
kuenda musango uye tsikidzi dzakasvibira dzichaenda
kukamba pamusoro pangu uye ini ndichabvarura
mwari wavo anokosha IV.
Ndave negore ndisina kunwa doro
asi vana vemhene ivavo vanoyambuka maoko avo
uye kutaura nezve sodium. Vanouya navo
mhino dzavo dzakamonya sekamuri yangu
mupurigatori uye ndivo
vatumwa vamwari vachiita zvishoma
zvesocial work . . .
Zvishoma nezvishoma chiso chemurwere chakachinja. Akanga asisina kunyahwaira. Akanga akateerera, achinakidzwa. Ndichipedza akabva ati, “Munoziva Doc, mazvibata. Vanachiremba vakawanda vanokubata sokunge uri chimwe chinhu chakadhonzwa nekatsi. Asi tose tiri vanhu vamwe chete pano pasi pano.” Akazvikwevera mudenga zvishoma pamubhedha wake. “Munoziva, ndaifarira kuverenga. Mabhuku nezvose. Ndadzoka mugiredhi ndaifarira chirungu zvakanyanya. Nhau, nhetembo, zvese izvo tsvina. Chidzidzo chandinofarira.”
Ndakazvibvunza kuti ko vekwangu vezvechiremba vaizofunga here nezvemurwere uyu aive neshungu semunhu aimbove nechidzidzo chaaifarira kuchikoro. Kwenguva yose yaakagara muchipatara, ndakaona boka rezvokurapa raimubata zvakanyanya se“mugari wemunyika” uye zvisingaite sehasha.
Mumakore angu sachiremba ari kuenda kuBellevue Hospital, chinhu chimwe chete chandakaona nezvevadzidzi, vagari, uye vadzidzi vezvokurapa vandinotungamira ndechekuti vanowanzofa nenzara. Nzara. Vachaisa zvinouya zvemarudzi ese mumiromo yavo chero mukana wamuka. Pakutanga ndakavapa machipisi kana mapretzels kuti avabatsire kudzivisa nzara, asi ndakakurumidza kuona kuti pakanga pave nemavhiki, mune dzimwe nguva mwedzi, sezvo chero ani zvake akanga adya zvibereko zvitsva, saka ndakamira pamichero inomira munzira kuenda kubasa. mangwanani ega ega kuunganidza mabhanana, mazambiringa, sitiroberi, uye mini-karotsi. Mumaminetsi mashoma ndaisa mari iyi pachiteshi chevanachiremba, mazambiringa mashoma chete aizosara.
Ava varapi-mu-kudzidziswa vaive vasina nzara yekudya kutsva chete. Pazuva rekutanga rekutenderera kwemwedzi wavo, ndakavakumbira kuti vazvizivise uye vaudze boka nezvebhuku richangoburwa ravaizoverenga (Harrison's Principles of Internal Medicine haina kuverenga). Kazhinji ropa raibuda kumeso kwavo.
Zvaiva pachena kuti ndaifanira kutarisira kuwanda kwezvido zvavo zvekudya. Kubva ipapo zvichienda mberi, dura rezuva rimwe nerimwe remichero raiperekedzwa nemakopi 20 edetembo. Chiratidzo chakanamirwa patafura chinorava (nemiseve kazhinji kazhinji asi kwete nguva dzose inonongedzera kwakafanira): “Chibereko cheZuva; Nhetembo yeZuva; Ndapota Tora Mumwe Wemumwe nomumwe.”
Ndozvakatanga tsika yedu yePost-call Poetry, dzimwe nguva inodaidzwa nezita remadunhurirwa rekuti Literary Rounds. Nhetembo haisiyo iri nyore kutengesa pamawadhi ekurapa. Kunyangwe mushure memakore ekupa nhetembo kuvagari vandinogara, ndichiri kuona kupera kwekuvimba kwechinguva nguva dzese. Vachafunga kuti ndine certifiable here? Vachada kundicheka here iota imwe yekunonoka, kunzwisisa kuverenga iyo miniti yega yega "yakaraswa" inodudzira zvakananga kune imwe miniti imwe shoma yekurara? Ndichanzi mumwe we "avo" vanopinda, rudzi rwusina kutamba zvakakwana madomasi ekiriniki mune yavo cerebral saladi?
Zvakadaro, ndakaenderera mberi. "Zvakanaka, varume, nhetembo yezuva." Ini ndinodzvanya vhesi yemazuva ese mumaoko atoremerwa nemachati, maX rays, clipboards, stool samples, uye EKGs. “Pane vakazvipira kuverenga here?” Kana iwe uchizoda kunyaradza mhomho, iyi ndiyo nzira yekuzviita. Uye saka ndakaverenga nhetembo iyi zvinonzwika, ndichipenengura maziso angu pamusoro pepeji mutsara wega wega kana maviri kuti ndibate chero kutarisisa kusingafungidzirwe pamishumo yerab kana scut zvinyorwa.
Tichifunga nezvezvinodiwa zvenguva, simba, uye mutoro pavateereri vangu, ndinongopiwa shiviriro yechinguvana. Nhetembo dzinoverengwa mumamiriro ezvinhu aya dzinoda kuva pfupi, dzinowanikwa, uye neimwe nzira yakakodzera. Ini handigaro tora nhetembo dzine chekuita nemishonga, kunyangwe ndinoyedza kuburitsa nhetembo kubva kuBellevue Literary Review (BLR) kuti ndisimudzire ruzivo rwevadzidzi kuti mabhuku anogona kunyorwa muchipatara. Dhipatimendi reMishonga paYunivhesiti yeNew York rakaburitsa BLR kubvira 2001, richipa foramu yenhetembo, ngano, uye manyepo nezvehutano nekupora. Kunyangwe kufarira kunowedzera mumabhuku akadai (wongororo inogashira zviuru zvezvinotumirwa gore rega rega), inofarirwa kaviri pagore-pagore pa-saiti kuverenga, uye kukwidziridzwa kusinganeti kubva kuvashandi vedu vanopepeta, ruzhinji rwevadzidzi vedu nevashandi vanoramba vasingazive nezve kuedza kwekunyora. vachifamba munzvimbo yavo yezvokurapa. Vakawanda havazivi nezvokuvapo kwemagazini ezvinyorwa zvawo zvake, saka ndinopa makopi epachena kuvashandi vezvokurapa nevakoti. Dzimwe nguva ndinonzwa sekunge ndiri kukwikwidza nevamiriri vezvinodhaka vanonyangira mahoro mamwe nemapeni emahara, makagi, uye zvinyorwa.
Pamusoro pevadetembi vanobva muongororo yedu yezvinyorwa, ndinoshandisa vadetembi vemazuva ano, “vanosvikika,” vakadai saLucille Clifton, David Lehman, William Carlos Williams, Sharon Olds, naDonald Hall.
Kuti ndivhure pfungwa dzevadzidzi nevashandi nezve mhedzisiro yemishonga, ini ndinowanzo kupa Nikki Moustaki's BLR nhetembo, "Kunyora Nhetembo pamusoro peAntidepressants." Ndinoda kuvapa pfungwa yekuti izvo zvatinokoshesa mumushonga (hazvikonzere hyperglycemia kana kuchengetedza urinary) zvinogona kunge zvisiri izvo zvinokosheswa nevarwere.
Zuva rega rega rinopa zvidhori zvishoma kana zviroto
kana mukadzi bofu albino
akagara pedyo newe muchitima
ane eyelashes seshinda chena yesirika
rakanamira sebunda romutsvairo paziso rake rimwe rakapfigwa
achinorovera tsvimbo yake pahwindo
uye iwe, mudetembi pamusoro pemishonga inodzvinyirira,
anofunga: tarisa izvo, hmmm, zvinonakidza.
Ndakatenga chikafu chembwa here? Heino kumira kwangu.
Imwe nhetembo inogona kupa nzwisiso yakapfava muzviratidzo zvisingaoneki zve aphasia, pamwe nekuzviparadzanisa uye kusurukirwa kwevarwere ve aphasic. Nhetembo yaHalvard Johnson "Ambulance," zvakare kubva kuBLR, inotanga neiyo epigraph "Iyi resitorendi ine amburenzi yakanaka."
Izvo shamwari yangu, chokwadi, inofanira kuva nayo
zvaireva kuti kudzorerwa uku
aive ne ambience yakanaka, asi mamwe acho
mashoko ake pamvura zhinji akazaruka kubva panguva kusvikira pathyme.
sezvibvumirano kubva kune imwe wadhi dzimwe nguva zvinoshamisika kupinda muzamu,
kwavanoda kubhururuka mukati, zvakadaro
Mwari anoziva hapana anoziva mazita avo,
uko zviso zvavo zvinenge zvava kujaira
kusvika anyatsotariswa . . .
Pandinogamuchira ongororo yangu pakupera kwekutenderera kwega kwega, ndinoyeuchidzwa kuti kashoma kuti pave nemunhu asina kwaakarerekera pamusoro penhetembo. Vamwe vadzidzi nevadzidzisi vanofara nekuchinja kwekufamba, zvese mumusoro uye nenzwi. Vamwe vakatsamwa chaizvo nekutambisa nguva. Zvichida kusiyana kwemaonero uku kunokonzerwa ne“kusabatsira” kwenhetembo. Pashure pezvose, mukuenzanisa neangioplasty, kurapa nemwaranzi, uye michina yemwoyo-mapapu, nhetembo inogona kuratidzika seisina maturo pawadhi yechipatara. Vamwe vadzidzi vanowana kusabatsira kwakadaro kunosunungura, zvichivabvumira kuchinjisa mhasuru dzisina kushandiswa dzekugadzira. Vamwe vangazviona zvichityisidzira, sezvo zvichigona kuonekwa sekurwisa kupandukira kwesimba resainzi.
Panopera mwedzi woga woga, ndinosimuka kuti ndipe nhetembo ine mapeji mana. Izvi zvinoda chiokomuhomwe pamwero mukuru, saka ndinombozorora kusimbirira pakudya kune hutano uye ndinopa keke rechokoreti-mouse keke keke keke keke keke keke kaviri-fudge, rakazadzwa nemacube akaenzana echokoreti yakasviba. Ini ndinonyura mu "Gaudeamus Igitur" yaJohn Stone. Yakanyorwa nokuda kwechikoro chezvokurapa chinotanga ne cardiologist-detembo, nhetembo yacho yakakodzera pakuguma kwekutenderera kwakasimba kwemwedzi musati boka redu risati rapararira kusvika kure-kure kwechipatara.
Stone akakwereta chimiro chenhetembo yake kubva kuna Jubilate Agno, nemunyori wezana remakore rechi18 Christopher Smart, umo mutsetse wega wega unotanga neshoko rokuti "For" kana "Rega." Chii chinobata pfungwa dzevadzidzi vangu, pavanenge vachikanda keke ravo, musanganiswa wemareferensi ekiriniki (kuita kuti vazive kuti vari kuziva) uye mitsetse yepithy inonyatso tora manzwiro avo akavhengana nezvekuva vanachiremba.
Nokuti ndiro zuva raunoziva zvishoma
pamusoro pezuva rauchazoziva zvakawanda.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Nokuti iwe uchaita sewakachenjera uye unzwe usingazivi
uye murwere haazive kuti nderipi zuva rako
uye uchazviita wakachenjera nokusaziva
Nokuti unofanira kutya kusaziva kupfuura cyanosis. . .
Iyo mitsetse inounza kuziva nods uye kusagadzikana squirms. Ivo vane zvese - isu tose - takanga tiri munzvimbo iyi. Kutya kusaziva zvakakwana kunogara kuchirapa. Ini ndinonongedza ndima inotevera nezvehunyanzvi kuvayeuchidza kuti kune zvakakosha masosi ekurudziro kunze kweNew England Journal yeMishonga.
Nekuti pachava nehunyanzvi
uye vamwe vachavadana
nyoro data
nepo ivo vari ivo vane data yakaoma
kwatinorarama nako
Nekuti munhu wese anouya kuhunyanzvi akanonoka
Nokuti iwe unogona kudzidziswa kuteerera kune oboe chete
kubva muokestra yose
Nekuti ungangoda kunetsa kuti unzwe inzwi remurwere
parutsanga rwakaonda rwokuchema kwake
Nekuti iwe uchadzidza kuona zvakanyanya kubva kunze
kona yeziso rako
kuti unzwe zvakanyanya nenzeve yako yemukati
Ndinodzokorora mutsara wekupedzisira: "Nekuti iwe uchadzidza kuona zvakanyanya kubva / pakona yeziso rako / kunzwa zvakanyanya nenzeve yako yemukati." "Ndiwo mafungiro evadetembi," ndakadaro. "Heino muenzaniso wekuti varapi vanogona kudzidza kubva kune vadetembi."
Uye ipapo ndinopedzisa nguva yedu pamwe chete nendima iri pazasi. Ndinovayeuchidza kuti mushonga (uye hupenyu) hunosanganisira zvakawanda kupfuura zvatinodzidza kuchikoro chekurapa. Mushonga iwoyo wakanyatsobatanidzwa munyika yose, uye kuti kuva chiremba kunoreva kuita zvinhu zvose zvehupenyu zvakakwana nokuti, pakupedzisira, isu vanachiremba tiri muchikepe chimwechete chehupenyu nevarwere vedu.
Nokuti ndiko kuguma kwebvunzo
Nokuti uku ndiko kutanga kwekuedzwa
Nekuti Rufu ruchapa bvunzo yekupedzisira
uye munhu wose achapfuura.